please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
