I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize