I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
