so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
