I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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