It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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