The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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