i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
