Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
