next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
