she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
