new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He has the fingertips of a God
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
