Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Shame - the story of my life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
