he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
