swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
