we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
