we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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