just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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