What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
