did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
