He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
