Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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