I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
