And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no, he came in my armpit
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
