is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
