I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
