This is not my ceiling
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
