I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
