Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
