you would pick up someone in the library
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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