From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
