I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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