highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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