I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
