My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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