im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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