is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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