We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
