I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
