Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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