apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sarcasm needs its own font
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
