Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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