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Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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