Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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