Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just found puke in my bra..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
