I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
