i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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