hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
