they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
