my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
