So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
