He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize