Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Randomize
