my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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