Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wannas sexs uuuuu
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
