My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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