My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i dont even know how to be here
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
