If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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