If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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