In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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