Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
bring money and cleavage
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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