I feel like I'm in dance class right now
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
