I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
