Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
