Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
