Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
