I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
